i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Randomize
