wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
