I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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