In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
