i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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