Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
