i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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