And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
my poor anus
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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