Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
