If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Randomize
