Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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