i barfeds in our rink
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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