i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
