Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
