I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
