I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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