i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
MIDGETS
????
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
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