i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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