Where are you?
In a non slutty way
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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