very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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