i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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