Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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