I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
It's official drugs can't kill me
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
