At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
