i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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