just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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