His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
