dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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