I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just made out with a guy for $7.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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