okay pat passed out under dana's car
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
