he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
