I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
