i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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