Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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