whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Randomize
