Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
