here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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