my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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