my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
