i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
