This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
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