he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
