Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
