Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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