I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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