I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
