i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
