Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
