Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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