I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
