omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
