I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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