This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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