Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
