now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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