you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
