he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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