When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
