Don't you send me to vm
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
