i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
