i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
