i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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