Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
