Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
