I like my sex mixed with concussions.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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